Meditation Is Not What I Thought

This week in my blog I would like to share a significant personal discovery during my month-long meditation retreat last October. A subtle shift in awareness that changed how I experience the world.

I have been studying healing and the nature of consciousness for quite a while now, currently reading books on nonduality and the work of Rupert Spira, Eckhart Tolle, and Frans Stiene. Also listening to and enjoying the awakening consciousness stories of ordinary people from Buddha at the Gas Pump.

Last week I wrote about my healing practice and what I experience in the healing space during a session. I described the dynamic, ever-evolving, morphing healing state I am in five days a week. My question for the last few years has been: What is the relationship of this healing space to Non-Duality, the True Self, Divine Presence? 

Many teachers and healers I greatly respect have spoken of compassion as a quality of this healing space and this higher consciousness. This is where I felt like I was missing the boat. I was not feeling compassion in the healing space. Here is how I finally defined it for myself in a past post:

Compassion is the ability to hold everything in the moment, in the divine presence of All That Is. It is an energetic healing state.

This compassion is not motivated by desire or ambition to heal others. In fact, it had begun to seem like the more powerful and effective the healing space was becoming for my clients, the less emotionally connected I was to the whole healing process. I do not feel any emotions or desires in the actual healing space. I also had periods when I felt so much less ambitious in my everyday life, which was very uncomfortable. Just being in the world was now requiring a new method of navigation that was confusing. There was much less ego. I was finding this stressful.

So, as I began my month-long meditation retreat in October, my intention was to focus on this question.

There was a Supreme Court issue at the beginning of October that had greatly upset me, so when I sat to meditate my emotional body was quite activated. As I began to meditate, I could feel my energy spiraling and unwinding about five feet all around me, with waves of heat and nausea periodically passing through my physical body. It was very similar to the healing space I held for others, except I was feeling my own energy moving. I would like to note here that my clients very, very rarely feel nauseous.

For the first ten days, it was extremely challenging and physically uncomfortable to sit and meditate. I just wanted to run, to move, to get a drink of water, or find my cell phone and text for help.

Then I began to notice a space underneath all the movement. A quiet space. I focused on that, and it expanded over time and became more encompassing, eventually surrounding everything including my energy field and my body. My nervous system and biofield started settling down, and I experienced the heat and waves of nausea less and less.

This new space was utterly still, like a flat void. I could not even describe it as peaceful, certainly not compassionate, yet there was definitely no stress. It was empty.

After 10 days of emotional turmoil arising and releasing this was a welcome shift. I focused on this space the rest of my meditation retreat, and just let all my questions about healing states and consciousness go.

I have now been back from my retreat and working for over twenty days. The healing space and my healing practice appear to be pretty much the same; different every session and still wonderfully effective for each client.

The prevailing thought running through my brain is that there is nothing to seek anymore. Everything is right here, in this stillness, in this emptiness. My intention now is to stay connected to it.

What was the most surprising, and what I most wanted to share with you, is that even though this deeper space is still experienced as emotionally empty, I returned from the retreat feeling more compassion, joy, love, and clarity in all aspects of my life. I can listen to the daily news with much less resistance. The more I connect with this space the more calmer and more peaceful I am.

You would think that connecting with a state of consciousness that creates more compassion would be experienced as compassionate, yet that’s not how it works for me. The experience of emptiness appears to create more compassion.

Meditation is not what I thought.

Jeri Lawson has a full-time healing practice in the Temescal Area of Oakland, California. She is available for Healing Touch, Reiki, Distance Healings and Clarity Breathwork Monday through Friday, 10 am to 6 pm. 510-601-9632

A Healer’s Experience Of A Healing Session

A client recently asked me “What do you experience during a healing session?”

That short question inspired a very long answer.

Continue reading

Back From The Retreat

 

Have you ever stepped out of your life for a whole month?

Preparing to leave my work and life for such an extended period felt so crazy, so extravagant, and even a bit selfish before I left. Now I realize this was one of the smartest and even the most practical things I have ever done.

How did this come about?

I have been studying consciousness and spirituality in one form or another my whole life. I have read everything I could get my hands on about Enlightenment, Satori, Oneness, Presence, the True Self and Nonduality. My healing practice had made it possible for me to study with many incredibly brilliant healing masters and teachers over the last twenty years. Up until the last month, I was a dedicated spiritual seeker. 😉

Around 2014, after a few “not so great” experiences, I found a meditation teacher that was accessible, kind and moved through the world with incredible grace. Supriya Whittemore is a Universal Ishaya teacher who creates month-long meditation retreats wholly devoted to the direct experience with our Higher Self. That is how I ended up on a month-long Ascension retreat in North Fork, California, meditating for hours at a time in a beautiful and nurturing space.

There is a lot less seeking now, and a lot more just being.

If you have been reading this blog, you also know I am also a big fan of community. For me, a supportive community is vital when you are going through significant consciousness shifts. Being in a community environment with others as deeply committed to their meditation practice was such a gift.

It is impossible to write about all that happened last month. It’s like trying to describe an elephant one inch at a time.

In this first blog post, I will say that the first couple of weeks were incredibly challenging, sparked by the political situation at the beginning of the month. I was completely emotionally overwhelmed just as I was settling in for a month of deep transformational inner work.

How perfect.

To sit through all the emotions that flared up and let my nervous system rebalance and relax was intense. The Ishayas’ Ascension Meditation practice is very easy, simple and natural, but for me letting go of “doing” took a while. The second two weeks were flat-out amazing. The process is very different for everyone.

“there is no cookie-cutter enlightenment”

– Supriya Whittemore

I can’t say that I am fully awake yet, 🙂 but what I can say is that I have come back to my life and my healing practice deeply rested and connected to a simple sweetness of being.

Jeri Lawson has a full-time healing practice in Oakland, California and is available for Healing Touch, Reiki, Distance Healings and Clarity Breathwork sessions Monday through Friday, 10 am to 6 pm. 510-601-9632

Healing Between Sessions

I would like to share a few suggestions that have helped my clients manage chronic pain, anxiety, and release stuck energy between healing sessions. These recommendations have created profound shifts in my client’s lives.

Set an intention to keep your attention on whatever is happening in the moment.

Fully acknowledge and give space to every emotion, thought and physical sensation in your body to the best of your ability. When you are overwhelmed and start to compartmentalize your experiences, just be aware of that too. No judgment; it’s all good. Just notice what you notice.

Take time, if even only a few seconds, to acknowledge and create space around more subtle perceptions such as fatigue, restlessness, and anything that makes you feel uncomfortable. Notice any resistance, and do not resist the resistance. You will not believe how interesting this is.

This internal focus is one way to create a stronger connection to your body, as well as expand your consciousness and access deeper levels of your creativity and intuition. Your experience of life can become more effortless, more abundant, and even more fun.

Don’t take my word for it. You may feel exhausted in the beginning but just notice that, too. The pay off is huge.

Jeri Lawson has a full-time healing practice in Oakland, California. She is available for Healing Touch, Reiki, Distance Healings and Clarity Breathwork sessions Monday through Friday, 10 am to 6 pm.
510-601-9632

Healing: Living Differently

Receiving a series of Clarity Breathwork, Reiki or Healing Touch sessions will often change how you live in the world. As you become more energetically aligned and grounded, your consciousness naturally expands. These inner changes transform how you perceive your outer world.

A client who has been receiving monthly healings for the last two years told me about a moment when she became aware of this shift.

“I was playing a friendly game of cards with my husband, and I was losing. Then I realized I was playing the old way. I started playing differently, and I started to win.”

She didn’t have to explain to me what she meant by “differently.”

Differently meant playing kinesthetically, instinctively, fully present in the moment, thoroughly engaging both sides of the brain. Differently meant intuitively, not just thinking about what the best card to play next is, but sensing it with her whole being. Differently meant flow-hacking. Playing differently requires much less effort. The difference in playing the “old way” and “differently” is a very profound, yet subtle shift in awareness.

She said “differently” was much more fun.

.Jeri Lawson has a full-time healing practice in Oakland, California. 
She is available for Healing Touch, Reiki, Distance Healings and Clarity Breathwork sessions Monday through Friday, 10 am to 6 pm. 
510-601-9632

Contemplating Stress

I’ve been thinking about this quote for a few years, so I thought I would share it with you. Every time I read it, something slightly shifts in a different way.

“Stress is the tension between ‘what is” in this moment, and your image of how this moment should be.”

Jeff Foster from his book Falling In Love With Where You Are

 Jeri Lawson has a full-time healing practice in the Temescal Area of Oakland, California. She is available for Healing Touch, Reiki, Distance Healings and Clarity Breathwork sessions Monday through Friday, 10 am to 6 pm. 510-601-963